Ecclesiastes 3:1 tells us that “to everything there is a season.”  There is an appointed time for every event under heaven.  Now this is not to say that if we are in a difficult situation that we should choose or resolve ourselves to remain there. We are encouraged to always hope and look for God to bring life to us out of ashes. But how that may come, in what form it may come or what it may look like is what is often unsettling. When we are alone or afflicted, we often feel very isolated.  How we respond to that isolation is part of our journey and part of our maturing in Christ.

By 1990, I found myself in a very difficult season of great physical and emotional pain. My first inclination was to fight. That is what I had been taught. But no matter how I tried to endure and resolve the pain, through medications, therapy, exercising, prayer, repentance or deliverance nothing seemed to give any relief.  I became more anxious and fearful that I was never going to get any better. My mind began to tell me that I would be like this for the rest of my life. Panic and anxiety continued to rise up within me, “Oh God, where are you? Why have You allowed this? What am I doing wrong? Do You hate me? Why are You punishing me?”

Embrace the Pain

 Of course there were no answers. Using His excellent teaching skills, the Lord was quiet, gently encouraging me toward the path of revelation. I continued day in and day out in pain and by 1998 I began to sense my fighting and striving was waning. I found it difficult to hold on to hope. Was I giving up? Shouldn’t I keep battling for this healing? Finally, in one short conversation, my dear younger brother encouraged me to “embrace the pain.” At first this was an affront to my intellect and resolve. “What? Embrace the pain?” I exclaimed. “Who in their right mind would ever do that?” As I took a deep breath and repeated that thought, a peace came over me. “Yes.  Embrace the pain.” How simple. I had been battling something totally out of my control. I had tried performing for God, begging Him, coercing Him, trying everything in my mind to manipulate Him into healing me and removing the pain. My mind began to move out of fear into life. I began to breathe. I sensed my muscles beginning to relax. My anxiety lessened. I began to trust that He knew what He was doing and that He would reveal the truth in my distress.  I began to rest. How strange it felt to choose to rest and begin to trust that God was aware of me, and my situation; and that He would in His way, use everything for His good.

In this scary season of pain, God again revealed a part of Himself to me. He was my Father who loved me and He was using this situation to teach me to depend on Him. He showed me that it was not necessary for me to perform for Him or cajole Him into doing my bidding; but that He was very capable of making choices for me and teaching me His ways. He began to teach me the sense of resting in His arms, even in the midst of trials, knowing that He was my provision, my health, my peace and supplier and that He was ever present with me.

During the next ten years God continued His work in me and revealed many unhealthy and unscriptural beliefs. He showed me my fear of sickness and death.  I began to see that there were parts of my heart that were not yet sanctified and He in His loving and instructive way, was exposing in me those areas of unbelief and my lack of trust in Him. He also revealed my rebellion when I rejected and turned my heart away from His truths. I began to see that striving and relying on my own efforts for success needed to be given to Him for crucifixion. It had been exposed. My trust and my hope was really not in God, it was still in me.

Sin, which is nothing more than “missing the mark,” may make us susceptible to sickness, but being sick or being in fiery trials does not always mean that we are in sin. Let us all be cautious in making judgments, criticizing or pointing the finger at one another when only God knows how He is working in the hearts of all men. He may be correcting, but He may also be graciously teaching or instructing, sanctifying or purifying as He deals with each person.  He allows situations of training to arise where He may reveal His character to us. It is certainly not our place to ever judge the work or timing of the Lord in any person’s life. 

Seasons Perform a Special Work

Every child of God has seasons in their life in which God is doing a special work. Some seasons seem longer than others or more challenging than others. It is important to understand that whatever trial you may be going through right now, please know that it will pass. As you walk through your trial you will be given a greater revelation of your Father’s nature and character. He will reveal Himself to you as the Great Shepherd. He will teach you about His love and deliverance as well as His redemption. Look for Him. He will be very close to you and will change you. May we choose to encourage, support and pray for one another as we are transformed and matured by the ebb and flow of His Spirit.

During my personal trials and seasons, I have found it comforting to meditate on who God is by reading His names. Each day I would get up and say: “I choose to trust You to take care of me today, especially during stress and trials.” Knowing His names, which reveal His nature and character, have brought me great hope and comfort, as well as praying this prayer:

“Father, forgive me for my lack of understanding and knowledge of Your ways.  Help me to trust to You and to understand Your nature and character, Your desires and Your plans. I want to know who You really are.” 

Negative Beliefs:

I must do something good to get God to act on my behalf.

If I am not perfect for God, He will not be able to reward me.

I want to be in control because I can not trust God to look out for me.

God will punish me if I make a mistake.

Scriptural Truths:

God is merciful.  His mercies are new every morning.

God will allow me to experience trials, which help me develop my trust in Him.

Rebellion is like witchcraft in God’s eyes. It can bring devastation to those who wield it or submit to it.

I am not controlled by my circumstances. I always have a choice in how I will respond and what I will choose to believe.

Facing my fears brings truth and allows me to choose freedom when I deal with  fear.

 Learning to give thanks in everything brings comfort and encouragement which gives life to my soul.

 Scriptural Meditations: It is written…”

Romans 15:13  “Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

 Psalm 9:9-10   “The Lord also will be a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble, and those who know his name will put their trust in Him; For You, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You.”

 Hebrews 12: 5-11  “Have you forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons, “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor faint when you are reproved by Him; for those whom the Lord loves He disciplines, and He scourges every son whom He receives. It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, that we may share His holiness. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.”

 I thank You God that in my life You are:

Jehovah-Adonai                   “God – My Master and Lord” (Malachi 3:6)

 Jehovah-El-Shaddai            “God – Who is more than enough” (1 Chronicles 29:11)

 Jehovah – Jireh                    “God – My Provider” (Genesis 22:14)

 Jehovah-MaKaddish           “God – My Sanctifier” (Exodus 31:13)

 Jehovah-Nissi                       “God – My Banner of love” (Exodus 17:15)

 Jehovah –Rohi                      “God – My Shepherd” (Psalm 23:1)

Jehovah-Rapha                     “God – My Healer” (Exodus 15:26)

 Jehovah-Shalom                   “God – My Peace” (Hebrews 13:20)

 Jehovah-Shammah              “God – Who is Present” (Ezekiel 48:35)

 Jehovah-Tisidkenu              “God – My Righteousness” (Psalm 97:2)

*Post is from Chapter 5 – “If I’m Healed By His Stripes, Then Why Do I Still Hurt?”

God is a loving Father who tells us over and over that He has great love and mercy toward His children. He is The Healer and He wants to see us walk in health. In 3 John 1:2 we are encouraged to prosper and be in health, even as our soul prospers. The multitudes followed Jesus everywhere, and Matthew 12:15 tells us that Jesus “healed them all.”  We find throughout scripture encouragement that God is the same, “yesterday, today and forever” (Hebrews 13:8). He never changes! He is still the Healer as stated in Exodus 15:26: “I, the Lord, am your Healer.”  God lovingly reminds us that He is our health and our strength. His name, Jehovah-Rapha, forever proclaims that He is the Lord of our health.

The Cross is our promise as Believers that the stripes that Christ bore and the pain that He suffered were for our health and healing. The crown of thorns pressed into his head and the blood that poured down His forehead represents the pain of our mind and emotions that Christ bore for us so we can be free. Scripture states in Isaiah 53:5: “He was pierced through for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities, the chastening of our well-being fell upon Him, and by His scourging (stripes) we are healed.” 

Questions Concerning Healing

“But why is everyone not healed?” This is certainly the question of the ages. Situations where we or loved ones have not been healed has brought not only pain but on occasion condemnation and pointing fingers. It has also brought thoughts of being rejected by God:

“He does not love me.”

“He wants to punish me.”

“He has left me.”

“He is angry with me.”

“He doesn’t keep His word.”

“I am not good enough to be healed.”

“What did I do wrong?”

“I don’t have enough faith.”

“I haven’t worked hard enough for Him.”

“I haven’t made Him happy.”

“He doesn’t like me.”

 The list  is endless. It is no wonder we doubt our Father’s love, feel rejected and walk away from His presence when we entertain these beliefs. In the permanence of my own pain, I walked away from God thinking He was not there anymore and that He didn’t care. It was so difficult for me to believe and trust that He really meant, that “He would never leave me or forsake me” (Deuteronomy 31:6). I felt so alone. “Did He really love me?  Did He really care?”

God does not discipline us through sickness or disease. Healing is the bread of God’s children. God shares with us that He is touched by the feeling of our infirmities (Hebrews 4:15). God is not happy that we are in pain. We are reminded in Isaiah 53, that He bore our grief and sorrow and that Christ took our iniquity and with His stripes we are healed. God is good and He desires life for us because He loves us. Just as salvation is for everyone, healing is also available for everyone. If God wanted us to suffer and be sick, then why would James state in chapter 5:13 – 15: “Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praises. Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will restore the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up, and if he has committed sins, they will be forgiven him.”

When we examine David’s life, we see the prophetic image of a man who made poor choices that brought heartache and pain to many; but in that pain, he became knowledgeable of the mercy and love of God as told in Psalm 103.  He sang of the blessings and mercy of God who pardons all of our iniquities or sin, and who heals all of our diseases. David had a relationship with a loving God who redeemed his life from the pit and crowned him with His loving kindness and compassion. We must always remember – God never changes. He is the same, yesterday, today and forever. The love and grace He extended to David, is the same love and grace he extends to us today. God desires for us to know and experience His great love and faithfulness just like David.

It appears that we sometimes forget that the same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead dwells in us according to Romans 8:11: “But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.” How amazing! The very same Spirit of God, Holy Spirit, resides within all who acknowledge Him. As we meditate upon this scripture may we all receive a greater understanding of this truth, as we allow it to become a living word in our lives.

There were seasons when it seemed I had a hook in my mouth and no matter which way I turned it hurt. During these times I found it difficult to embrace that God was a God of love. My perceptions of men and people in authority throughout my life left me with a sense that I had to earn their love, and if I was good enough or worked hard enough they would accept me. I often felt “used.” Other times, I thought I had committed some unpardonable sin and that God was punishing me through my pain, sickness and loss.

When I gave my life to God, I unknowingly transferred my belief systems to Him. I began to work for His approval and perform in various positions in the church to hopefully someday, be good enough that He would finally bless me.  With this mindset, within a few years I began to experience spiritual burnout. I developed performance anxiety because I didn’t believe that God was answering my prayers for healing; and if He wasn’t answering them, it had to be because I was not behaving well enough to make Him happy.

Looking back, it is now clear how unbiblical my beliefs were about God my Father. What I believed was not the truth. It was my perception of events and experiences in my life. My responses and reactions to events formed my beliefs about myself and about the world. Many of my beliefs were based on fear and pride. They were formed from the world’s structures in what I observed, what I read and what I was taught. The world will try to tell us who we need to be, what we need to look like, and how we need to respond, but the real truth is in the scriptures. It has taken time to meditate and study on these precious teachings, but they have helped me to understand the character of God, His ways and who I really am. Scripture tells us that people perish for lack of knowledge. It is not God’s desire for any to perish, but for all to experience His life. I would encourage you to meditate on the verses at the end of each chapter and ask Holy Spirit to renew your mind with God’s truth and His desire for your life.

“Father, I want to thank You for Your precious unconditional love. Thank you for Your word that teaches me about You. Please forgive me for thinking that you did not love me or want to heal me. I want to know You and understand Your ways. I surrender myself to You and ask You to renew my mind and heal the unhealthy ways I perceive life.”

Negative Beliefs:

I don’t have enough faith for God to heal me.

I must do something good for God to love me.

I have sinned and God could never love me.

I must be special for God to love and heal me.

I did something wrong and God is punishing me.

God doesn’t care about me.

I am alone in this world.

I must make it on my own.

 Scripture Truths:

God’s provision is always perfect.  He is never caught unaware. He is never surprised.

Healing is intimate and personal.

God does want my body and soul to prosper and be in health.

It is not necessary to prove my existence or validate my importance. I am loved and accepted by God.

I can miss truth when I am defensive or in denial.

It is important when faced with conflict to find what I am really striving for – that will lead me to truth.

What I focus on, I make room for.

The keys to life are found in God’s word.

 Scriptural Meditations: “It is written…”

 I am acceptable to God and I am forgiven

 John 1:12                         I am an adopted child of God.                                   

Romans 5:1                      I have been justified (made innocent or free) and have  peace (nothing between us) with God 

                                                  through Christ.  

Romans 8:1                      I am free from condemnation in Christ.                       

Romans 8:28-29            I know that all things work together for good for those that love God. I am called according to His

                                                 His purpose. He conforms me into His image.

Romans 8:35                   I am never separated from God’s love for me.           

Romans 8:37                    I am a conqueror through Christ’s love.

1Corinthians 3:16           I am a temple of God and His Spirit dwells in me.

1 Corinthians 12:27        I am of Christ’s body.

1 Corinthians 6:17          I am joined to the Lord and one in Spirit with Him.                       

1 Corinthians 6:19          My body is a temple of the Holy Spirit.           

1 Corinthians 6:20          I have been bought with a price and I am God’s.

2 Corinthians 6:1            I work together with God.

2 Corinthians 1:21          I am secure and anointed in God.                                   

2 Corinthians 5:17          I am a new creature in Christ; old things have passed away and all things are new.

Colossians 1:14              I have been redeemed and my sins are forgiven.

Colossians 3:3               I am hidden with Christ in God.

Colossians 2:10            I am complete in God.

Colossians 1:13            I have been delivered from darkness and transferred to His kingdom.

Ephesians 1:5               I am God’s adopted child.

Ephesians 2:6              I am seated in heavenly places with Christ.

Ephesians 2:10            I am God’s workmanship and I am created in Christ for His benefit and purpose.

Ephesians 2:18            I have access to God through the Holy Spirit.

Philippians 1:6            I am confident that God will perfect and finish the work He has begun in me has begun in me.

Philippians 4:13          I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Hebrews 4:16              I am confident that I may receive grace and mercy from God in my time of need.

1 John 4:13                   I abide in God and He abides in me.

Isaiah 43:18                 I will not call to mind the former things or remember the things of old.

Taken from Chapter 3. “If I’m Healed by His Stripes, Then Why Do I Still Hurt?”

Richard and I continued in our commitment to attend church regularly and it was not uncommon to see me going forward for prayer. Whenever there was a call for prayer I was there, hoping for the glorious moment when the pain would vanish. There were some in our congregation who looked at me with eyes of compassion; but there were others who observed me with suspicion as if to say “What sin have you committed that has kept you from being healed?” I began to feel like a leper. Saints would sometimes “encourage” me with “You just don’t have enough faith!” That would really lift my spirit. Week after week going forward for healing and prayer sometimes resulted in a few days of relief, but the pain would always return. I found myself spiraling downward to the depth of shame and despair crying out to God to “Just take my life!” I knew I had become a burden to my husband and family. The medical bills and doctor visits were our “recreational” time together. This pain and agony was eating away our lives. After years and years of feeling debilitated, I didn’t know if I could take it anymore. I felt I would never have enough faith. I was tired of suffering. I just wanted it all to end.

Years into my journey I would discover I did indeed have enough faith – just as you do dear friend. Romans 12:3b states that “…God has allotted to each a measure of faith.” All we need is the mustard seed faith God has already measured to us to believe. And even in those moments when our faith may seem to waiver or we are just too weak to stand, a simple request for Him to help us is all that is required. “Jesus, help me,” has sometimes been the only phrase I could speak. God has always arrived to love me, encourage me and give me strength to endure, and He will do the same for you. For many years I lived without being able to recognize the truth in my life and why I had to endure such pain and loss. I submitted to the deception that God had left me, as I listened to Job’s comforters confronting me and telling me I did not have “enough faith.” How deceived I was to engage in such a belief. As a child of God I have entered into His covenant. Would I not realize that He, as the greater party in the covenant, would supply for me what I needed?

God seems mysterious sometimes, but in His loving kindness He is able to impart to us the Gift of Faith (1 Corinthians 12:7-10) to help move impossible situations out of our lives. “Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God” (Romans 10:17). As we begin to search and study God’s word, we begin to hear God’s promises and directions. Faith grows. We become encouraged, hope is birthed in our mind, and our way of thinking or perceiving is renewed (Ephesians 4:23). He gives us the faith and strength for every challenge.

As we stand in faith, fear will usually try to make an appearance. Fear likes to negatively move us into our future with “What if, I ought to, or I should.” It tries to paralyze and intimidate by manifesting as anxiety, panic, phobias, paranoia, delusions, agoraphobia, claustrophobia and more. Scripture tells us God is faithful (1 Corinthians 1:9); and as we choose to seek Him and learn to let go of the things that easily beset us, He promises to reward us (Hebrews 11:6). He truly desires to “give good things” to His children (Matthew 7:11).

It is also God’s desire for us to have an intimate relationship with Him and to know Him (John 17:3). He is a righteous Father who forgives and heals us. When challenges surround me and I feel alone, Psalm 103 encourages me and reminds me of our Father’s wonderful nature and love. “Bless the Lord, O my soul; and all that is within me, bless His holy name…Forget not His benefits, Who pardons all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases, Who redeems your life from the pit, Who crowns you with loving kindness and compassion; Who satisfies your years with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle, He performs righteous deeds….He is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounds in loving kindness…He has not dealt with us according to our sin, Nor rewarded us according to our iniquities…great is His loving kindness to those who fear Him…”

God once said to His prophet Isaiah that His people were in captivity for lack of knowledge (Isaiah 5:13). He also shared with Hosea that His people were destroyed for their lack of knowledge because they rejected knowledge (Hosea 4:6). God is telling us that we, His people, are often silenced or cut short by our lack of understanding, insight, or perception. So it is important for us to seek after truth and not dismiss revelation we receive. The wisdom and knowledge we need for life is found in His word, and as we choose to commit ourselves to the study and meditation of Scripture, direction and answers to our questions and concerns will unfold.

Life is a journey of experiences and unexpected turns and twists. Sometimes we are able to make sense of what is presented to us and sometimes it is quite challenging and we can enter into confusion and despair. Whatever life experiences we encounter, God wants us to have wisdom and understanding. He tells us to acquire knowledge. We are encouraged by God to search for Him and His truth; to ask Him for wisdom and to desire His revelation. His imparted knowledge will bring life, hope and vision to those who choose a quest to know Him. His words will build faith. The search for wisdom and truth can be long and arduous as well as frustrating; but when you find it, you will experience clarity, peace, comfort, and the tree of life.

Negative Beliefs:

Scripture may work for others but it won’t work for me.
I don’t really care what God says in His word. It isn’t important for me.
God evidently doesn’t care if I am well or not.
If He loves me so much and died for me, why do I hurt so much?
People expect me to be happy all the time.
I can never do enough for my family or God.
If I fail, I won’t be loved.
If everybody else would just do what I want them to my life would be fine.
I can never live up to God’s standards, so why try?

Scriptural Truths:

Understanding God’s principles and precepts brings life.
My fear of rejection may keep me from embracing God’s love and being able to
sense the joy of His total acceptance.
When I am able to accept my weakness, God can then be strong in my life.
I will never find contentment trying to please others more than God.

Scriptural Meditations: “It is written…”

Proverbs 1:33 – “But he who listens to me shall live securely, and shall be at ease from the dread of evil.”

Proverbs 4:20-23 – “My son, give attention to my words; incline your ear to my saying. Do not let them depart from your sight; keep them in the midst of your heart. For they are life to those who find them and health to all their whole body.”

Proverbs 3: 5-6 – “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path.”

Isaiah 41: 10 – “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you. Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

John 3:16 – “God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life.”

Luke 15: 31 – “My child, you have always been with me, and all that is mine is yours.”

*Taken from Chapter 2 – “Mustard Seed Faith” from “If I’m Healed By His Stripes, Then Why Do I Still Hurt?”

As I reflect on my own experiences, I have received multiple healings great and small, which have come in various forms. From diet changes, herbs and exercise, to pharmaceuticals, surgical procedures, miracles and prayer, God has always been in the healing business. Have I received complete healing from my numerous prayers? Yes and no. Did God heal and restore my mother and father? Yes and no. Throughout their lives, I observed God’s healing touch, from colds to leukemia; but why were they not healed of the diseases that finally took their life? Scripture tells us we see through a glass darkly and I am still learning about God.

His ways are certainly different than my ways, and so I continue to seek Him and knock on various doors in the continued study of his ways concerning health and wholeness. The more I study the more I realize how little I know. God is sometimes simply mysterious. You know Jesus must have walked over many lame and ill people at the pool of Bethsaida. Scripture shares of the multitude of sick, blind, lame and withered individuals, waiting for the waters to be stirred, (John 5:3). Why did Jesus not heal them all? He chose a certain man who had laid in his sickness by the pool for thirty-eight years, but it is not recorded that he healed anyone else during his visit that day. Think of all the hopeful people, watching as the man stood up and walked. Did this act bring them hope, or did it bring them discouragement, maybe even anger or envy that Jesus did not touch them?

When we pray, we may identify with the multitude sitting by the healing pool as Jesus passed by. It may seem like our prayers go unanswered, especially when our loved ones are taken. We may find ourselves in a downward spiral of questions coupled with confusion that will attempt to lead us to distrust or unbelief. While we grieve the loss of an unanswered expectation, depression and anxiety fueled by anger and discouragement may be waiting for us, hoping to launch us forth into a fierce battle of mind games and a plethora of questions, which seem to have no answer. Why did this happen? Where was God? Why didn’t he intervene? He could have done something! When our questions or prayers seem lifeless, how will we respond toward God? Anger can be a healthy part of the grieving process, but unresolved anger or resentment may unknowingly exacerbate sickness and disease. Anger is an emotion, and like all emotions, they are neither good nor bad. They are simply like the dashboard of a car that lets us know what is going on under the hood.

God loves his creation and he grieves with us during pain and loss. When we begin to understand God has set the universe in divine order with certain principles and statutes, we see he is unable to disrupt his own laws. Just like the law of gravity, man is unable to persuade God to change it. He has also given man free will and choice. When man is left to his own choice, we can choose poorly. For example, God has given man every herb to partake of to walk in health, and yet we can gravitate toward the tasty king’s food, including sugar and processed foods. When we ingest certain foods our body will either be strengthened or weakened. Do we choose a pint of chocolate ice cream or natural fruit? Do we choose to focus on negativity and worry or do we choose to focus on God’s peace and provision? If illness appears, is it reasonable to blame our illness on God or the fallen world we live in? There is toxic waste in the aquifer, and chemicals and fluoride in our drinking water, pesticides in our foods, fumes released from industry and radiation from our cell phones – contamination is all around us. Our immune system may be weakened, by touching or ingesting these contaminates. And science has proven that living under continual anxiety and stress impedes our immune system, hormones and the foundational chemicals which bring balance to our body. As humans, we have chosen to develop and use the many products manufactured that supposedly make our lives easier, but with advancements also comes a cost. The good news is God is a loving God and his desire is not to see his creation destroyed but to be restored. He desires to reveal knowledge and understanding to help us walk in health.

He also desires our mind to be healthy. Scripture states that God desires for us to be in health even as our soul prospers. That is good news. There is a God who wants our soul (mind, will and emotions) to be as healthy as our body. In fact science has proven that in healing the soul, the body is strengthened. Dr. Carolyn Leaf in her book, “Who Turned Off My Brain,” shares statistical evidence which suggests that 90 percent of our body’s illnesses have an emotional root. So as we begin to deal with the emotional roots often from fear or other wounding, the body will begin to respond and heal. Our bodies have been beautifully created to respond to good thoughts and choices that bring healing, while our organs have been formed to absorb nutrients while they flush out toxins and waste.

Sometimes, no matter what we do, death comes. In our western culture it seems we value life to such a degree that we may believe we can escape death, but of course that is untrue. As my mother and father have now passed on, and as I myself age, death becomes more real. It is a part of our life journey where no one knows the time. Their deaths came unexpectantly. No one is ever really ready for death, nor do we always understand the circumstances in which it appears. However, facing the reality of death can actually encourage us to live. We can learn to greet each day as a divine gift, filled with moments to be savored and cherished. We can also choose to take inventory of our body as well as our emotions, checking for any red lights that may signal a need for change.

Healing comes in many ways. Even if you have yet to experience the total health you desire, continue to seek God and pray, meditate on His word, know that he loves you, forgive others as well as yourself, and knock on the various doors available, which may bring you peace and life.

*Taken from: “If I’m Healed By His Stripes, Then Why Do I Still Hurt?”

As I embarked upon the journey of medical visits, examinations and tests, there was little relief from the pain. I began to personally research other alternatives including: natural herbal remedies, dietary changes, exercise and stretching, chiropratic procedures, acupuncture, cranial-sacral manipulation, massage, mental health counseling and more, hoping to find some answer that would bring freedom and relief from the constant muscle spasms and pain in my body. I wanted my life back. I wanted to be whole, pain-free and happy.

There were many diagnosis including: scoliosis, severe depression, post-traumatic stress, high anxiety and panic attacks coupled with intense fear and bouts of agoraphobia, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, benign positional vertigo, vestibular damage and other various conditions. This journey, which felt like the “Valley of the Shadow of Death,” is discussed in more detail in my book, “If I’m Healed By His Stripes, Then Why Do I Still Hurt.” As a believer in God, this was one of the major questions I continued to cry out for an answer – “Why won’t you heal me? What have I done? What do I need to do to be well?” It became increasingly clear, by my questions and conflict, that I lacked an understanding about God and His ways. Everyone in my spiritual community was telling me that God would heal me, and yet, each day I would awaken to the same throbbing pain throughout my body. It left me often in tears, feeling hopeless and discouraged. No matter what I did, the pain would return with a vengeance like a ball and chain.

The thoughts in my mind became more negative. There were times I felt I had committed an unpardonable sin and God would never allow me to be healed. These times often exposed in my heart how I really felt about a heavenly Father. I began to make assumptions that He was a God who needed me to perform and make Him happy so He would heal me. I sometimes thought He might be unforgiving, critical or mean waiting for me to do something wrong so He could punish me. I even entertained that everyone else could be healed, but I would never be good enough to receive anything so special from Him. I was hanging on to hope by a thread. Jobs comforters befriended me and seemed to find pleasure in exposing my sin and declaring my lack of faith or unbelief. These experiences often sent me to a place of isolation and despair.

Throughout the book, I share many negative beliefs I entertained through this journey of healing,as well as the scriptural truths I found, which strengthened and encouraged me. We will continual examining our thoughts, beliefs and responses to life in future posts. I would like to share just a few with you now. May they bring peace and strength to you.

Negative Beliefs:
God loves others but I am unloveable.
If I do enough nice things for people, maybe God will heal me.
If I’m busy and performing for God, He will be good to me and bless me.
If I work really hard, maybe He will like me more and help me.

Scriptural Truths:
God loves unconditionally.
God’s desire is for none to perish and all to have everlasting life.
Working harder or performing for God will never make Him love me more than He already does right now.
Truth will always find me when I ask for it and am willing to acknowledge it.
Reading and meditating on scripture helps reveal unbiblical beliefs in my heart and soul.

Scripture Meditations: “It is written…”
Deuteronomy 31:6 – “Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.”

Psalm 94:4 – “For the Lord will not abandon His people, nor will He forsake His inheritance.”

Isaiah 41:17 – “When the afflicted and needy are seeking water, but there is none, and their tongue is parched with thirst: I, the Lord, will answer them Myself, as the God of Israel I will not forsake them.”

John 3:16 – “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

*Taken from: “If I’m Healed By His Stripes, Then Why Do I Still Hurt?”

THE ACCIDENT

When I was small life seemed so simple. It was easy to love, to trust, to hope, and to believe the world was my oyster and I could do anything if I just put my mind to it. Our minds receive simple facts and we believe what we are told or what we experience is truth. But as we grow up, life begins to engrave its marks on us and we begin to change. Whether through people or encounters, we begin to feel the need to somehow keep our happiness and dreams alive. We want to feel secure and productive, so we may develop conflicting beliefs in our attempt to stay connected or current with society and its ever changing values. Or we may simply make choices in the tsunamis of life to merely take care of ourselves and stay alive. Every human at birth embarks upon an amazing journey of learning to live life. Our mind, soul, spirit, and body travel along with us as we experience and learn about our world. They help us to continually process information around us as we develop skills, beliefs, perceptions and life goals. When a trauma or unexpected loss occurs, our beliefs and goals are challenged. As we try to process painful events we can become confused or disoriented. We may feel out of control. Painful seasons of life can either strengthen us or they can destroy us.

It was 1975, on a dark and isolated road through the cornfields of northern Ohio, when my life took a severe turn. Hit by a drunken driver in a serious head-on crash, I lay unconscious with my friend Angie, as the paramedics arrived. We were finishing our last classes of graduate study. I was excited to be completing my master’s degree. It had been three grueling years of classes, test, papers and long nights. The driver had passed a semi-trailer on a double yellow-lined curve. He was intoxicated. I remembering seeing the bright lights quickly approaching, looking over at Angie, and then…..darkness. The semi-trailer driver had witnessed the accident and called for emergency assistance. We were taken to the nearest hospital. The next thing I remember was someone shaking me awake. The foggy-headed feeling in my head made me unable to focus. Everything was fuzzy. As I looked straight up into the ceiling lights of the hospital, a blurred shadow appeared. As I strained to look more intently, I could see the outline of a man with a State Trooper’s hat on his head. He introduced himself as an Ohio State Trooper. He leaned over and whispered in my ear, that I was a very lucky young woman; that the severity of the accident should have taken my life. Then, he was gone. I closed my eyes once more to complete darkness.

*From: “If I’m Healed By His Stripes, Then Why Do I Still Hurt?”

If you have ever experienced hardship or physical illness, you have probably at some point entered the black hole where you feel totally alone, without any answer or hope. In this black hole, you may sooner or later find a glimmer of light bringing a spiritual awakening or epiphany tailor-made just for you. Or, you may continue to experience the darkness and the loss of hope and life, leading to futility and despair. How we respond to life and its challenges grooms us for destiny. Will we choose to trust and have hope, or will we succumb to discouragement and disappointment?

Actually we may choose and experience both. The initial shock or onset of the challenge may take our breath away, leaving us paralyzed, like being caught in a net. Any way we move, we are stuck, unable to get free. We struggle. We strive. We hope. We search for the answer. How did this happen? Why did this happen to me? What did I do wrong? How am I going to get out of this? Why me?

As we focus on our plight we begin to believe we are the only one fighting the battle. Our spiritual questions begin to intensify: Where are you God? Why aren’t you doing something about this? Are you up there? Do you even care? Our questions and cries for help seem unanswered, and we begin to move into a darker place where we wonder about life itself. What am I here for? Is there any purpose for my life? Has this all been for nothing? God, are you punishing me? Why don’t you like me? I don’t even believe in you anymore. Is there a purpose for me to live? Do I want to live?

This brings us to the place of choice – the place of decision. What do I believe? In this place we choose to fight and search for truth or we choose to relinquish hope? If we choose life and continue to search for revelation and truth, that glimmer of light will begin to appear in the most unexpected places. It will stir up hope within and strengthen us to continue in our life journey. If we choose to focus on the darkness, we will be engulfed in a myriad of negative emotions that tie us to bondage, fear or pain. We make room for the things we choose to focus on. What will we make room for today?

In our pursuit of healing and wholeness we may choose to focus on life and wellness in various streams. Two streams that have personally brought life to me have been: the spiritual stream of prayer or meditation, studying God’s word, forgiveness, reconciliation, repentance, and developing a relationship with God; and the physical stream involving medical assistance, medications, nutritional supplements, counseling and physical stretching and exercise.

The healing journey is personal and it sometimes ends without answers. Scripture tells us we see through a glass darkly. Sometimes there just are not answers. There have been times in my personal healing journey I have felt alone and discouraged. I chose to focus on the darkness instead of the light. What will you choose to believe today? Where will you place your focus? It is difficult sometimes in our own strength to focus on anything. Ask God to strengthen you and help you focus. Ask Him to help you believe again and trust Him. Choose to receive His love and know that He cares for you. Let Him come to you and begin to change you and heal your life.

“God, life is sometimes so confusing. I become tired and weary of my struggles and challenges. I don’t know what to believe or how to find your truth? I see and hear so much in this world, I don’t know what is real. Help me God. Show me the real thing. Show me you. Come into my life and help me see the path you have for me. Teach me about you. Please give me strength and endurance to keep searching and give me the ears and eyes to recognize your voice. Thank you for finding me and saving me from the darkness. Thank you for your light and life. I now receive your love.”

*Taken from “If I’m Healed By His Stripes, Then Why Do I Still Hurt?”